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Chasing Great Gerbils

22,000km Terrano Road Test … Part 1 and 2

The challenges of becoming proficient with Chopsticks, learning to drive Chinese style, navigating by guesswork and being the center of attention are all worthwhile to have the opportunity of travelling around a quarter of the world circumference without leaving China. If that isn’t quite enough fun then pop over the 4,800m pass across the Pamir Mountains and continue along the fabled Silk Road through Central Asia towards Europe. You’d best have a 4WD. Our choice was a couple of R50 Nissan Terrano’s – it was an inspired decision.

We expected our 22,000km journey overland from Hong Kong to London to be challenging - and it was. The challenges were however quite different from many expected. The inoculations against every known medical malaise, including one that prevents certain types of warts should one purchase a certain ancient personal service, maintained our good health. Our modern communications and internet mapping resulted in only being occasionally lost - and that was usually the fault of our local guides who knew all about the things we were seeing but had never travelled in the role of navigator before. It seems the view from the back seat of our car was inferior to that of the guides’ previous experiences on top of a donkey. The many border crossing manned by Soviet trained bureaucrats succumbed to my well known charm … and the hope of a hard currency ‘gift’. We weren’t even threatened once. Although on the occasion they held our wives in isolation on the Uzbekistan boarder for a couple of hours, my mate travelling in the other car suggest that we may be in serious trouble for exposing the boarder guards to the dangers of argumentative western womans logic.

The planning and documentation procedure for this journey occupied 18 months. Planning to traverse China in cars is a long and arduous process that starts with providing a preferred itinerary and ends many months and many versions later with being given a route that is acceptable to the Chinese military. This can only be accomplished with the assistance of a good Chinese Travel agency. Ours kept track of us all through China as recipients of regular reports from guides and police. The routes through Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan were easier to arrange because there are so few ‘roads’. Russia, Ukraine and Poland are complex only in the many options available and the large distances between accommodations. It is virtually impossible to plan a journey through this region without the help of professionals. Fortunately one of the worlds most knowledgeable Central Asia travel agents is based right here in New Zealand. Silk Road Adventures (NZ) Ltd operates from Greymouth from where they juggle all the options, deploy local guides along the way and dispense excellent advice.  

Prebooked hotels are mandatory in most countries along this route before visa’s will be issued. The standard of the ‘tourist’ hotels in China is excellent. A ‘tourist hotel’ is one at which the staff have been especially trained to keep the plumbing operational and to serve only food that is recognisable and acceptable to our delicate bowels. There are exceptions and we did manage to track those down a couple of times. These hotels tend to be a little expensive – especially the lavish evening meals which are designed to keep fat businessmen in the shape to which they have evolved. We ate the excellent breakfasts which inevitably involved an egg together with the most unlikely accompaniments. Lunch was usually a ‘picnic’ alongside the road with food purchased from the excellent shops and markets. Contrary to common perception, there is no shortage of food in China and the variety is astonishing. Our guides were sure we would eat our evening meals in the hotels and left us for their more ‘modest’ accommodation. But we preferred to investigate the local restaurant scene and as a result of some interesting communication experiences that usually resulted in our becoming the best entertainment in town, we became gastronomes of Chinese epicurean delights. There are only two limitations to Chinese food – it must be partially digestible and it must be able to be held between 2 sticks or drinkable.  

Taking a car into China is difficult and expensive. We endured 5 days waiting in queues at Shenzhen to obtain; customs clearance, WOF inspection, Emissions inspection, Insurance and our Chinese drivers licence. The costs make your eyes water. We gained a respect for the Chinese peoples patience as they waited, sometimes for days, in queue’s only to reach the decision maker and be told their documentation was incomplete. I suspect ours was deficient as well – but the bureaucrats could probably see the murderous glint in my eye. Some lived dangerously but they lived.  Once on the road it’s a fascinating country. Astonishing in its magnitude and rate of development.

Many of our preconceived ideas of China were shattered. Its doing more towards cleaning up the environment and reducing pollution than the rest of the world combined. The development of its roading and railway infrastructure is staggering. The completed new highways are magnificent and the other sealed roads are typical of New Zealand standards. The unsealed roads are atrocious and there are lots of them … a bit like NZ in the 1950s before our masters discovered cheap and nasty chipseal.  When building new highways, Chinese traffic drives on them throughout all stages of construction. I guess its good compaction. In the areas large machinery is working, the traffic simply drives off into the surrounding countryside and makes its own new temporary dirt road which beggars belief. Our years of 4WDing in New Zealand barely prepared us for these challenges and provided some very interesting and testing driving.  

China is like no other country on earth. It’s a country of 2 halves. The Eastern side is the China we all know – rice paddy’s, rickshaws, industry, pollution, green countryside, huge rivers and big bamboo hats. The Western side, virtually half of the country, is enormous deserts. The indigenous population is predominantly Muslim people of Turkish descent wearing turbans and robes that reminded me of Afghanistan. There are few roads or cities and the whole culture is totally different. Its 4WD heaven. No mud and endless places to explore off road – although one is not supposed to deviate too far from the planned route. The rural Eastern Chinese tend their rice paddies by the most astonishing terracing and feats of agricultural engineering. They keep ducks and fancy chickens together with pigs and cows. This is where swine flue originated and it’s easy to see why. The pigs at the back door are like members of the family only more pampered. There are enormous regions where fruit and grain is grown. In the west its fat tailed sheep, goats and even camels. One of the worlds largest viticulture areas is in central China producing some of the finest raisins. Surprising to us was to learn that China ranks first in worldwide farm output. We were amazed and impressed day after day.  

The most memorable thing about China is the driving. It’s truly inspirational. Contrary to common perception I consider the driving to be among the best in the world. Here’s why. There is a Chinese Road Code that is a bit like ours. This will come as a bigger surprise to the typical Chinese driver than to you, because few have read it and those who have, take not the slightest bit of notice of it. The general principle of driving is simple … Watch the vehicle in front and react accordingly. That’s it. Visitors should not be surprised and become indignant when other road users cut them off, swerve into tiny gaps, pass on the wrong side, drive 5 abreast on a 2 lane road and even drive on the wrong side of the roads. Nobody indicates – that would give away the element of surprise. Highways in the East are crowded but almost empty in the West. Intersections are a ‘free for all’ with signage and traffic lights used as optional guides. It took us about 3 days to understand that none of the laws and rules of the road which we live by is in the least bit helpful to driving in China. By the end of those three days, the driver of the second Terrano who had been very proud of the fact he had never broken a road rule since he had been married, proudly confessed to have now broken every one and quite few more that he had never conceived. He felt good. Imagine Auckland having 3 times as much traffic and it continuing to move at twice the current pace. Dispensing with rules and driving to maximise the road in every respect makes traffic flow surprisingly efficient. In 10,000km through China we never suffered even a scratch. Accidents caused by their driving habits were rare although there were many that appeared to be the result of mechanical failure.  

Generally, Chinese diesel fuel had been of excellent quality. This quality did deteriorate a little as we moved west and was noticed by a slight loss of power. Not that this mattered too much as we competed against hugely overloaded trucks and agricultural machinery. We were the fast vehicles on the road … and loving that status. Crossing the top of the Taklimakan Desert our speed did create a few issues. It was a surprise to be stopped a few times in deserted areas and told that a camera 10kms back along the highway had recorded our excessive speeds. Speeds which had been quite acceptable in the East of China. The difference was ‘cultural’. In the East the police have other priorities like collecting protection money from big business. In the West they rely on speeding fines to supplement their incomes. Unfortunately for them our attitude differed from the locals who were keen to get on with their journey and simply paid up. We felt the need to ‘bond’ with the law enforcement agency and demonstrated a relaxed friendly attitude in the spirit of building international goodwill. Soon the police realised that all the good payers were speeding by while they chatted with us. They tore up our pictures and wished us a good journey.  

22,000km Terrano Road Test … Part 2 

Chasing ‘Great Gerbils’ in a 4WD is excellent fun. Like all fun, there has to be a downside. Usually it’s either illegal, immoral or makes you fat. In this instance the problem is finding them. We had to drive 14,000kms through 4 countries, over a 4,800m high mountain range, navigate shocking roads, dodge hundreds of suicidal jaywalkers and thousands of cyclists with a death wish, through huge dust storms, survive tens of thousands of overloaded trucks driven by kamikaze pilots and continually endure the unspeakable aroma of overflowing pit toilets. After the chase there was the matter of a further 8,000km traversing more appalling roads in 45 degree temperatures and negotiating with corrupt policemen before making it back to civilization. If the idea interests you, put aside 3 months and buy a Nissan Terrano.  

Following a month in China with nothing more serious than a bothersome weight gain and a new appreciation of Western toilet facilities, we continued West across the Irkeshtam pass over the Pamir Mountains towards Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan enroute for Russia, Ukraine, Poland and Europe.  4 people in 2 cars with a wish to see parts of the world that relatively few travelers have driven in their own vehicles. Perhaps few people are that silly. 

China is divided from Central Asia by the rugged Pamir Mountains. There are only a few road passes over these mountains and they are only open during the summer after the snow has receded. Our route over the Irkeshtam pass rose to 4,800 meters and the snow plowed road had only been open a few days. The road summit is 1,000 meters higher than Mount Cook! The views in the eerily still and amazingly clear air were breathtaking. When traversing the pass I suspect the Terrano ECU was unable to adjust for the elevation and the cars blew huge amounts of black smoke. A couple of days later it all returned to normal at lower altitude.  

The accommodation in the ‘stans’ and Russia / Ukraine included a night in a Sanitarium – which I considered one of the highlights of the journey. I felt quite at home and we received medication that appeared and tasted astonishingly like vodka. Other nights were spent on hard concrete floors in private unfurnished homes or on equally hard beds in old Soviet multistory hotels. These usually featured a lack of lifts and steep narrow concrete stairways with stains and remains of previous guests who had failed to make it up to their room. The poor sanitary facilities, antiquated electrical systems and 1950’s appliances provided challenges - not to mention the risk of spiky hair.  

We had been warned to expect bedbugs through Central Asia. Having never seen a bedbug I wasn’t sure whether to take armaments or a simple truncheon. In the end we opted for weapons of mass destruction – Raid Insect spray. The plan was to kick the door to our room open, scream a warning in case the chamber maid was still loitering and then to unleash a cloud of toxicity.  Given we never developed the anticipated itch or inflammation this excitement was totally forgotten. It seems that bedbugs are attracted by carbon dioxide, warmth and certain chemicals such as those contained in antiperspirant. Given our breath was probably masked with Vodka which the locals seem to imbibe for every good reason, it was freezing cold at night in these desert regions and our antiperspirant was an unknown foreign brand, there was no issue.  

The roads of Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan should not be confused with roads as we know them. Most evolved from animal tracks and the camels, donkeys, sheep & goats are still among the most common users. Often, hundreds of kilometers will be rough, pot holed and dusty challenges driven at about 40kph. Sometimes there are hundreds of kilometers of desert between towns. These roads are invariably unsealed – always rough and sometimes rocky making it impossible to work up much speed. In these instances everyone drives off into the desert and either follows the sandy trails or makes their own new track across country. This can be exhilarating. 60 – 80kph is possible with enormous clouds of dust billowing out behind. Unfortunately the tracks often cross, creating large ruts and bumps that launch the cars into space if the pace can’t be reduced fast enough. Its here that families of ‘Great Gerbils’ make for good sport. We careered recklessly across the sandy shrub covered countryside shouting “Where did it go?” Occasionally snakes, tortoise, cats, foxes and rabbits can be seen – as are herds of domesticated camels, goats, horses and sheep.  

The ‘stans’ as they are genially known by nonchalant travelers in this part of the globe are all former Soviet Republics that gained back full independence and since 1991 are now part of the Commonwealth of Independent States. Generally they have exchanged one tyrannical leader for another – but are moving towards economic wealth at a rate we envy. It helps if there is no RMA, OSH or other restrictive compliance policies. They are predominantly Muslim and very friendly. We never felt threatened even when we were looking down the little black hole on the front end of a Kalashnikov but were quite nervous when looking at the black hole on the back end of a camel. Crossing boarders was challenging. Even though we were able to jump to the front of the queue it usually took 3 – 4 hours of pointless paperwork. Neither we nor our vehicles were ever searched.  

Much of the countryside is badly in need of water, but where that is available the crops are abundant. Food was plentiful and delicious … except the regional national food. This is a dish known as ‘Plov’. Essentially its rice soaked in mutton fat with the reluctant addition of carrots and onions. The taste is as expected, predominantly greasy mutton fat. We were unable to understand why the locals eat it 3 times a day. We continued to gain weight given the expected regular purging due to diarrhea never eventuated.  

The ‘Silk Road’ runs from Eastern China across Central Asia then either North to Russia or South to Turkey. The ancient cities of Osh, Tashkent, Samarkand, Bukhara and Khiva are fascinating and often make one feel transported hundreds of years into the past. Other times they made me feel sweaty and dusty. While the culture and architecture remains to be seen today, this area is changing fast. Historic sites will endure but the trend towards Western culture will reduce the adventure travelers pleasure. For example, the Kazakh prostitutes are legendary. I’m pretty sure we saw some but they are no longer so friendly and, in the western way have been tucked away out of sight. I’m told they are extremely entertaining in exchange for hard currency. 

Russia, Ukraine & Poland can be compared to Europe about 40 years ago. They are interesting places to visit although parts of each country are quite depressing as a result of Soviet era influence. Again the roads are a mixed bag. The main highways are excellent. Secondary roads and roads in towns are usually terrible. I suspect the highways are created and maintained by central government while everything else is the responsibility of local government which has no funds. Driving around rural towns is an extremely laborious exercise and seldom at speeds above 25kph. The ubiquitous Lada is the most popular form of transport for the masses – but Range Rovers, and Porsche / Mercedes / Lexus SUVs are becoming quite common. Those without one of these luxury vehicles say it’s only a matter of time before they can steal one from Europe too.

It is possible to traverse this whole journey in a 2WD vehicle and most of the local cars and trucks have only 2WD. Given the rough road conditions and the fact they are driven totally without mechanical sympathy or consideration for the occupants, the lifespan of a vehicle is very short. The exception to this is the Lada which must be the worlds most abused vehicle. They are constantly overloaded, thrashed and mistreated but seem to survive or at least remain mobile. They seldom look like they have enjoyed life. There is a growing population of Hyundai cars throughout Central Asia. Hyundai has identified this as a big growth region and opened car manufacturing plants in Uzbekistan. Hyundai’s must be damned tough too.