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In Its Element

I wouldn’t have been the first prepubescent lad to have fantasized about journeying through the deserts with Touareg’s just like ‘Lawrence of Arabia’. Much of my imagination had been fired by reading about Omani pirates who fiercely guarded the straits of Hormoz ruthlessly cutting the ears off unwary travelers who strayed into their territory. At age 6 I though pirating was an excellent occupation and removing ears a useful skill. Some of my school mates are damn lucky to still have a full set. I recall pretending the neighbouring farmers old draft house was a camel and trudging along with one of Mums tea towels over my head looking for ‘infidels’. It was much later my fantasies included a harem – they still do but there are forces at home conspiring against this occurring. The journey through the Middle East with the Touareg however, has come true. Well, yes it has - but with a few changes to the original script. 

Prior to competing in the recent Dubai 24 hour endurance race, the New Zealand Volkswagen agents arranged for their counterparts in the Middle East to provide me with a Volkswagen Touareg to tour the UAE and Oman. A better beast of burden for the task would be difficult to find.

Taking delivery of the car was however, not without difficulty. Our Dirham lubricated concierge at the hotel carefully wrote down in Arabic the Post Office Box number from the Volkswagen agent’s letter head and gave it to the taxi driver along with some instructions that I feel sure included the word ‘sucker’. There are times I wish I was allowed to carry a weapon. I would even sign a document saying I would only shoot people who really annoyed me. Never mind. The journey was worth it. A lovely blond Frau met us in the carpark of the Volkswagen importer and handed over the keys to the latest full spec V8 Touareg 4WD with instructions to bring it back in 3 weeks. “Auf Wiedersehen”. She didn’t even say “Keep it neat and tidy” or “Don’t enter the Paris Dakar rally”.

This is not the first time I’ve borrowed a Volkswagen and I have learned to my embarrassment that some of them have very tricky keys. This one was no exception. I am a simple country boy who considers a key as a shiny pointed thing with toothy bits that is inserted into a compatible orifice and turned to produce a desired result. Volkswagen on the other hand, considers a key as a security device that can be made very convenient for people with no hands. Perhaps a Middle Eastern car thief, who had previously been caught once too often, put in a request for such a device. With the key in ones pocket one simply strolls up to the vehicle and it magically opens. Then, again without inserting anything anywhere, the application of a digit to a big red button starts the engine. The same button stops the engine and I think simply walking away locks the car again. Very cool. To begin with I tried to sneak back to check it was locked but of course it knew I was there so I had to either instruct my Minister of Travel to carry out the check or hide the key under a distant rock while I confirmed all was secure. At night, approaching the car, a light automatically comes on in the multifunctional door mirrors to help you avoid the goop waiting to stick to your shoe. Very handy.

The next trick was to learn that the tailgate does not need lifting to open or pulling to close. Such work may be necessary in lesser cars but with a Touareg, accessing the luggage area has become a party trick that never fails to amaze those fighting for the opportunity to carry ones bags. To open, just tweak the button on the door or press the key fob and stand back. To close, tweak another and again it all happens automatically with the assistance of some of the countless little electric motors that are waiting to purr into action to undertake the menial tasks.

I wouldn’t be surprised if told the Touareg computer has more ability than the one used by the NZ Treasury – in fact, I’m sure it has. There is a sensor, a button, knob or an automated system to do virtually everything. ARS, AFS, EBD, EPA, EBA, HCA, HAD, HBA, ICRS, LDA, MFI, TPMS, and lots of other stuff you can easily learn about from the Volkswagen web site. Its got more tricks than a barrel full of monkeys.

All this I discovered while still in the carpark. So busy was I with all the nifty tricks my travel organiser had to remind me we had several thousand kilometers to drive and that should give ample opportunity to read the huge manual from cover to cover. She allowed me to program the navigation system with the name of the border crossing and we confidently drove through the traffic mayhem that now defines Dubai towards the desert and adventure.

Once out of Dubai City the roads are fabulous. There is a 120kph speed limit but no-one takes any notice – except the trucks which treat that speed as a minimum. The temptation to check out the 350hp FSI V8 power and the 6 speed tiptronic gearbox with sport mode was kept well under control for almost 7 minutes. I have discovered to my delight that almost every Volkswagen has a mongrel dog hiding in its bowels. To find it, select ‘S’ on the transmission lever and push the right pedal. This causes the feral dog to get up on its hind legs and howl. The Volkswagen V8 engine is a delight. US sourced V8 engines speak in a deep slow resonant drawl whereas the Europeans seem to communicate “let’s get down to business”. Select ‘S’, push pedal, and instantly the chambers fill with explosions that whiz the crankshaft around to 7,500rpm where the tiptronic gearbox sneaks in another gear without any noticeable fuss and the whole process starts over again. The only thing that seems limiting this quiet combination of power and comfort is the optional extra control system sitting in the passenger’s seat.

This near new loan car had never been sold – so it had no registration papers. Volkswagen had provided me with a ‘loan agreement’ to prove it was not stolen (although my driving was making other motorists wonder). This caused considerable interest at the border into Oman. I needed to buy 3^rd party insurance and pass customs. Neither department could believe anyone would be ‘given’ the most desirable vehicle in the car park and I believe it was only the angelic look of a clear conscience that convinced them (plus perhaps my offer to leave my travel manager with them as security).

While the United Arab Emirates, and principally Dubai, are exploding in every direction but particularly upwards, Oman has a policy of low rise development maintaining traditional design. The towns and cities are modern, yet have the timeless feel that the Middle East evokes. Looking out the window was the same scene viewed a hundred years ago. Accordingly, all the way down the coast I kept a wary eye out for pirates – although I had been assured they now all live in New York & London. Muscat old city is a small enclave in a sheltered bay that can be walked around in a couple of hours. It has Oman’s biggest Flea Market which I was strongly advised to refer to as a ‘Souq’ by my shopping expert if I didn’t want to discover why some of the Omanis still wear big curved daggers. The ‘ever so easy to use’ Touareg navigation system was programmed for every country in the region so finding hotels, fuel stations, restaurants or the way to the next town was a breeze. I’m sure if ‘Lawrence’ had have had a similar system he would have spent a lot less time bonding with his camel.

During mid 2007 this region suffered a huge cyclone. It did enormous damage including washing away much of the coast road south of Muscat enroute to Sur. It was this road that gave us a real taste of the Touareg 4WD capabilities as the way alternated from beach to rocky Wadi to super highway. We also learned that the car was fitted with ‘run flat’ tyres. Entering Sur in the dark at well over the speed limit I had no idea we had 2 flat tyres. The discovery next morning was made worse by the fact that the car had no spare wheel – just a pressurized can of sealant. Astonishingly, the Sur Volkswagen agent was immediately across the road from our hotel. It took 2 days to get a couple of tyres freighted down from Muscat but during that time we experienced wonderful Omani hospitality – and quite a lot of dates which are the countries principal crop.

Back on the road the next stop was a unique region famous for its enormous shifting sand dunes. Our Bedouin overnight camp was near the middle of the 12,000sqkm Wahiba sands which show signs of being inhabited for over 8,000 years. Don’t ask me why. Getting there required following wheel tracks through the sand desert and we had been told the best driving tactic was to maintain speed through the ever shifting soft bits. In a Volkswagen Touareg this is a perfect strategy. We passed Toyotas, Suzuki’s, Nissans, Mitsi’s, Hyundai’s and lots of camels. No-one could tell me if it was a new record but I think a Touareg would be the vehicle of choice if one wished to achieve this status. The way out the next day wasn’t quite so – um – successful. It took 7 raucous young Bedouins over an hour to dig us out of the shortcut.

Daily I was learning that this car is smart. A couple of times that was just as well. For example it has ‘Side Scan’. This is a ‘blind-spot’ warning system that uses radar at the rear of the car to sense another car's presence and causes LEDs built into the wing mirrors to flash. If the driver indicates to move out, the LEDs flash at an accelerated rate to warn the driver until the other vehicle moves out of the Touareg's field of vision. A similar system beeps when parking too close to things 360% around the car. It has ‘ABS Plus’, which works in conjunction with the traction control system and shortens the braking distance by up to 20% on loose surfaces. This is achieved by allowing a small mound of surface material to build up in front of the wheel – very cunning. The rear view camera is nice too. Not only can you see where you are backing but a couple of lines are superimposed on the screen indicating the backing path and showing exactly where you will end up when you turn the wheels. On the subject of seeing; at night the Bi-xenon (with AFS II) headlights feature a built-in leveling and steerable light system. They turn as you turn – and another little light turns on to see the kerb at under 50kph. Superb.

The system I like the best though, was the ‘Front Scan Adaptive Cruise Control’. It drives the car for you – with just a bit of input on the steering. A beam scans the road in front and, depending on the speed you are traveling, begins to brake the car when you close to within the safe stopping distance of the object in front. Approach a car traveling in front and you slow down to match its speed – pull out to pass and you automatically accelerate up to your cruise speed again. It will even bring you to a complete stop behind other vehicles at traffic lights. Here’s an example scenario proving its worth. While wafting along in serene circumstances listening to the superb 10 speaker Dyno-audio system, a multi-legged hairy creature decided to make a home in my navel. This is a bit disconcerting and demanded immediate attention. Eye followed hand to do battle with the unknown … right at the time we approached a very streamlined guy out for a training run on his racing camels. Fast as they were, we were overhauling them at a fair clip - and I was busy. No worries. The ACC along with the ABS and the EBD brought the car to a no drama stop. At least there was no drama on our side of the windscreen. I had a firm grip on the hairy squatter, the radio played on and there was not a peep from the passengers seat. Outside however, we witnessed that camels can grunt, buck and defecate at the same time. And their riders can spit, swear, wave a stick (and I suspect defecate) at the same time. A very educational experience. Volkswagen suggest acceleration of 0 -100kph is about 7 seconds ... but I think it’s faster when a camel is about to dump on your bonnet.  

The next few days were spent exploring the Al Haja mountains and wadi’s of central Oman. It’s an awesome, magical place right out of the Stone Age. The Oman government has pushed passable tracks into the most remote regions – some over 3,000m high. While a 2WD company car could navigate them it is best in a 4WD – and best with Hillclimb Assist (HCA), Hill Descent Assist (HDA), Hydraulic Brake Assist (HBA), Electronic Brake Pressure Distribution (EBD), Electronic Differential Lock (EDL) and Anti-slip Regulation (ASR). If you trust this car it will make your life an absolute pleasure. We traveled cosseted in electronically generated safety while enjoying the luxury and ambiance of civilization while being constantly amazed at the primitive society and extreme environment outside. To consider that people have lived here for thousands of years and still do by choice, in an ecosystem of extreme scarcity is bewildering. Apart from the occasional tree climbing goat and thorny bushes there is nothing except rocks piled on top of rocks. It is however, stunningly beautiful.

The Touareg suspension has electronically controlled sport, comfort or auto settings. Just dial up one to suit your mood or requirements and the handling is noticeably changed. On the highways with trucks winking passing instructions I found the ‘sport’ mode ideal for maintaining an impressive cruise speed while on the dirt roads of the mountains and desert the ‘comfort’ setting was perfect. The brakes are comforting to both look at and use – they are huge and work in a bewildering number of ways to make this one of the safest vehicles on the road.

Inside the Touareg is a nice place to be. The instruments are elegant and easy to read while all controls seem to be intuitively at hand. There’s a compartment on the dash that is cunningly cooled by the airconditioning which is ideal for carrying the necessities of life. Seats are comfortable and cabin noise is minimal, except when all 350 horses are whipped into action. That’s when I hit the audio system mute button so I could listen to the percussion of Omani oil hitting German pistons. Transcendent. 

After 3,000km driving in all imaginable conditions I still suspect this car had a few tricks I didn’t discover. If a vehicle with more safety features and driver aids exists, I haven’t heard about it. It’s big and heavy, great for towing, and yet it is so easy to drive. For someone seeking a versatile, roomy luxury car with lots of luggage space and a real sense of ‘presence’ at affordable value … this is the car. I love it. Doormen at hotels argue with each other to park it and pump attendants show proper reverence … even when it is REALLY filthy.

With petrol only 50c per litre the V8 is the only model sold in the Middle East. If buying one in a country conscious of rising fuel costs and environmental issues – get the diesel. Best part of that advice is you could also afford a Golf to sit beside it in your garage. Life would be very satisfying.